Some not so sacred mysteries of parenting

I’ve been a parent for over seven and a half years now and while I have learnt an immense amount in that time, there are some things which I can only conclude are mysteries we are never destined to understand……

1. Even if there is only one child in the family, at least 60% of the laundry will always be their clothes.

2. The smallest baby – even one just home from hospital – knows when you have just sat down with a hot cuppa.

3. Cardboard boxes are infinitely more interesting than the most expensive interactive all-singing, all-dancing toy.

4. Nothing is as interesting to a child as the contents of their nose. Or as adhesive.

5. A poorly child will always wait until Mum has just had a much needed shower and hair wash before they cuddle into her neck and cover her clean hair and neck in spit, snot or a combination of the two.

6. Babyhood does not operate on the same time continuum as the rest of the world. Babies grow up fast. Very fast. Blink and your newborn is trying to crawl. Blink twice and they are off to school.

7. Baby vomit has some special element that enables it to get down your bra while leaving the puking child relatively unscathed.

8. Babies and toddlers instinctively know to hold off on a big poo until just after you strap them into their pushchair to go out.

I’m sure there are other things that I will never fathom out!


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